Intercourse Or Not Intercourse……. That is The Question

What do you think of when you hear the term sexual intercourse? In my opinion, the concept of sexual intercourse takes place between a heterosexual male and heterosexual woman. My definition of sexual intercourse is a man penetrating a woman’s vagina. It goes back to the days of Adam and Eve. This is my organic definition. On the other hand, one might ask the question, “Isn’t anal sex, oral sex, and strap on sex a form of intercourse?” I say, “No.” Anal sex is just what it says, ANAL. That means it penetrates the anus. It may be a form of sex, but I do not consider that intercourse. In the article, “Sexual Intercourse”, it states that, “While coitus necessarily refers to intercourse between a woman and a man, the more recent term, anal intercourse, has extended the definition of intercourse to sex acts which might occur between men” (114). I can understand that anal sex involves penetration, but I still believe in its purest form, intercourse in and of itself is between a man and a woman; a penis and a vagina. Oral sex, in my opinion is not considered sexual intercourse but it is an act of sex. Strap on dildos between two women may be an act of penetration, but the dildo cannot ejaculate or change its form in any manner. Again, this is a sexual act, but to me, not real intercourse. Coitus implies that, “a woman and a man have penetrative vaginal- penile intercourse and continue to do so until the man achieves orgasm” (114). Some definitions however refer to sexual intercourse as being between two individuals stimulating the genitals. These conflicting definitions can correlate to the article, “Change and continuity in American marriage” (308). Marriage has many appearances just like sexual intercourse. I believe that a true marriage is between a man and a woman, just as sexual intercourse.

In today’s society a lot of laws are being made and passed, for example, the idea of same sex marriage; which gives same sex couples their marriage licenses. The article, “Change and continuity in American marriage,” focuses on the heterosexual aspect in marriage. Heterosexuality plays a major role in not only American marriage but also in sexual intercourse. As I stated earlier, “the concept of sexual intercourse takes place between a heterosexual male and heterosexual woman.” It would hard not to agree that this is what we consider normal and acceptable. Eric Hunter specified that, “Heterosexuality is often viewed as the ideal basis of marriage because of the different gender roles men and women are expected to play in marriage” (311). Also Erica Hunter explains that, “marriage is seen as engaging in a sexual relationship, which works to legitimate heterosexual relationships.” Erica Hunter also positions that, “men and women need each other to form a complete union” (308-309). Now that same sex marriage is seen as acceptable in today’s society, does this change the fact that I believe sexual intercourse should only involve a man and a woman? “No.” I strongly claim that, “same sex couples are not able to take on complementary gender roles.” Erica Hunter suggests that, “since same- sex couples by definition consist of two men and two women; they are understood as needing to conform to a heterosexual model, despite research that shows that both same sex and other sexed couples experience a great deal of diversity in how they experience gender within their intimate relationships” (312). Personally I believe that Erica Hunter is saying, “The heterosexual model is important, but if a same sex couple is married they have to live through this heterosexual model.” I agree that the heterosexual model is important, but strike down that there is no way possible same sex couples can conform to a heterosexual model; it’s just not the same in my opinion. My definition of sexual intercourse remains the same, so how can same sex couples conform to a heterosexual model, when sexual intercourse, is between a heterosexual man and a heterosexual woman?

There could be a numerous of examples on the idea of sexual intercourse, but what would be better than knowing someone that has had personal experiences. One of my high school friends liked boys and eventually changed her identity to gay.  I asked her, “Is there any difference from having sex with a man, then having sex with a woman?” Her answer was, “Yes.” “It’s not the same I miss having sex with men, it’s something about the penis that a woman cannot provide.” This example right here furthermore, makes me believe that sexual intercourse should be defined as a heterosexual man penetrating his penis inside a heterosexual woman. We’re all entitled to our own opinions, but I just cannot picture sex acts like anal sex, oral sex, and strap on sex being reflected as sexual intercourse.

What is your definition of sexual intercourse? In the article, “Sexual Intercourse” it claims there is not a true definition of sexual intercourse, but is there a specific definition for this term?

Are other sex activities linked with sexual intercourse? If so how? What types of activities would be acceptable as sexual intercourse if you feel other sex activities are linked with sexual intercourse?

Does every sex activity end in sex intercourse? Does there have to be a relationship between two people to have sexual intercourse?

Does sexual intercourse only involved a man and a woman? Why or why not?

Lastly, can same sex couples conform to a heterosexual model? If so how?

One thought on “Intercourse Or Not Intercourse……. That is The Question

  1. Interesting post. I’m just curious, but from the beginning you start talking about ‘sexual intercourse’ without defining what the word ‘intercourse’ means to you alone. Does it have anything to do with love, power, commitment? Or is it just cut and dried sex? I respect your thoughts regarding same-sex couples, however I do believe that ‘sexual intercourse’ can still happen between two men. I don’t think it would be right to generalize saying that whatever two men do (anal) doesn’t constitute as sex when they have just as much right to have sex, only one just doesn’t have the (privilege?) of having a vagina. Also, I don’t think the point is for same-sex couples to conform to the heterosexual model. That’s not what we’re trying to do. It all has to do with that prefix. Hetero vs. Homo. It’s different. WE’RE different. We’re always told to be yourself, be you, be diverse, but yet somehow we’re still trying to fit into someone’s model. There’s just a major double standard here for me.


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