The Confusion and Misunderstanding of Asexuality

Asexuality is a topic that is very confusing to many people, especially those people who identify as homosexuals. Some may think? How can you not like anyone? They may say that you have to like someone- whether it’s a guy or a girl, it doesn’t matter- you just have to be attracted to someone or some sex. In the case of David Jay, he firmly asserts that he is not attracted to males, nor females. When I watched the film (A)Sexual, I also had the immediate reaction to be skeptical of his sexual identity, as asexuality is something that is still tough personally for me to wrap my head around.

David Jay was featured on The View, and the ladies brought the heat for their discussion with him. Asexuality is not a problem, issue, or anything of the sort in Jay’s eyes, and in response one lady shot out: “So what is there to talk about then, exactly?” Since the ladies of The View didn’t quite understand asexuality, much like many people who haven’t talked about it or seen it much, they didn’t see the point for david Jay to take a stand for his asexual community. “What is there to talk about?” they asked, “If you’re not having sex then why do you need to form a group?” Do the ladies have a point? At first thought, yes. Yes they do have a very good point indeed. However, David Jay believes that asexuality is a topic that is highly misunderstood in society culture; for this reason he feels the need to form a group to assert themselves in a such a heteronormative society.

An interesting point brought up in the film was whether or not David’s asexuality was his identity. Is David truly asexual, sans feelings for any sex? Or is there something David is hiding or has fear of revealing? Jay quickly denied any notion that he is gay, especially when interrogated by the ladies of The View. As soon as he was asked if he was gay, a light bulb went off in my head- an indicator that I do not nearly have a full grasp myself of asexuality in its entirety. “That must be it!” I thought to myself. In my eyes, it makes sense that David Jay would try to mask his true sexual identity (in this case would be that he is gay) by saying that he simply is asexual. Although it is a push, calling yourself asexual and abstaining from any kind of sex would be an easy sellout if you were gay living in the society we live in. Living in denial, like the ladies of The View insist he is, would make sense once again if he came from a strong Christian or religious background. These thoughts flutter back in forth in my mind because when I think of how many men and women there are in this world, it is hard to think that there are people that simply aren’t interested.

Still on the subject of denial, there is something to be said from a psychological point of you. All throughout life, you are told to think good thoughts, to be a happy person, to be a positive life force, and to build others up instead of put them down. All of this is for a reason. There is a discourse called a self fulfilling prophecy, coined in 1948. I learned about the self fulfilling prophecy from my mother a long time ago, who continues to be he most positive influence in my life. When I studied it in psychology class as a high school senior, I learned that when you convince yourself that you are something or that you want something, sooner or later your daily actions will make it come true. Although this idea may be a little bit of a push, as I watched the video about asexuality and David Jay, I tried to think of all options to his asexuality. I thought that David Jay had been hiding his homosexuality for so long, or trying to gain attention he possibly didn’t receive during his childhood, that he had tricked himself into actually being asexual. While watching, as I said earlier, I found it hard to believe that he isn’t attracted to any sex or gender but now I am starting to accept that he wants to do his own thing. However, there are so many questions that are involved with asexuality. One that came to my head among the seemingly endless bunch was what would he masturbate to if he does at all? Masturbation is a common practice by males and females as a healthy way to regulate sexual desire. Every now and then people simply just need a release, but how would David Jay do so if he isn’t attracted to anyone? It seems like a pretty sad life sexually if you ask me, but then again, he claims to not have any sexual desires.

I guess the conflict with asexuality is that it does not agree with any other type of sexuality there is. Whether you are gay, straight, bi, transgender or transsexual (forgive me for not naming them all), there is someone you are attracted to, and someone who would be attracted to you in return. Being asexual in many ways cuts off a large chunk of what makes humans human- a sexual drive and desire. All this said, our misunderstanding and confusion with asexuality is the core reason why David Jay wants to stand up and be the face for asexuals everywhere.

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