We all know about it, but few do something to change it. Men love it, and women hate it. What am I? I am the double standard that is present when it comes to hooking up as it relates to men and women. As most of us know, guys are celebrated and even idolized by their male peers for “getting with” or “getting it in with” an attractive or what his friends would deem as an attractive female. “Damn bro, you’re so lucky. How was it?” or “F you man I’m jealous” are phrases constantly thrown around the male community when it comes to sex with girls. On the other hand, females are called nasty things when they have any type of sexual encounter with males.
Things I’ve learned about the double standard: Women are the ones calling each other sluts. It is very rare a guy would refer to a girl as a slut when talking to his friends. On the other hand, girls gossip and shit talk each other like it’s their jobs. If girls hate being called a slut, then why call another girl a slut just because she had sex with this guy or that guy? Does it really matter how many guys someone may sleep with? Does it negatively affect your life? If the answer to these questions are no then calling another girl a slut cannot be justified. Even if the answer to the questions were yes, let a girl be who she is and don’t judge her on it. It is hard enough already for girls to be who they are openly before they are called names and constantly judged.
On the other side of things, why do guys praise each other so much for having sex with a lot of girls? For one, guys can talk more openly about sex with each other than I think girls can and they can be truthful in saying they want to have sex really badly or are sex deprived. Women on the other hand tend to feel embarrassed or shamed if they have a sexual attraction to someone and usually keep it in to themselves. Also, guys are also more open in telling their friends if they had sex with someone or not rather than keep it in to themselves. For a lot of guys, it’s about the quantity and not the quality and for this, they feel no shame in bragging about all the sex they are having.
What are the ways to stop this double standard one may ask? To start, opening up the “asking the other person out” lines to both genders could be a start. This way the male doesn’t always seem like the aggressive one and the one looking for the girl. Can you imagine a world in which girls asked out guys as much as guys asked out girls? At first, girls would be called names such as “thirsty” because this would not be a norm. As time went on however, and more and more girls started to act in this manner, the act would be normalized and not judged. This would keep women and men on the same playing field and in turn get rid of all the slut shaming.
The next step would be acceptance. Females would have to accept the fact they like having sex just as much as men in general and because of it should be able to try to obtain it as much as they would like. The more this happens, the more girls who would change. Every social trend is generational and takes time to develop. Maybe the results would not come quick enough to affect the generation that I belong to, but why not save the next one? Men wouldn’t brag about all the sex they are having and who they are having it with because sex would be so normalized that it wouldn’t take an expert or a stud to have a lot of it. In my opinion there is a positive correlation between the number of girls calling each other sluts and the number of guys praising their friends. When one starts going down, the other will join. However, the slut shaming is the start of the problem so it needs to be the first part of the solution.
Rapping things up, I think that time is the biggest and most sacred thing we have as humans in order to fix a social problem. Slut shaming is a serious issue that has caused depression and even suicides. The feminist movement and ideals say that men and women should be equals and one should not have advantages or powers over the other. This being said, guys should not be idolized for having a lot of sex and girls should not be pushed down for having sex either. Sex should be something that is cherished at the point of it, but not obsessed over after the fact. Our brains create ideas and beliefs that we know not to be true in order to fill a niche or role in a group of people. At the end of the day, we all want to be accepted and loved.