At this point, it’s no big secret. We’ve covered enough material for us all to know how sex and society are very much related and feed off of each other in the world we live in. We’ve learned how gender norms and identities limit and sometimes alienate certain groups or factions in society. It only takes one person in a group to do something wrong for society to turn its back on the entire group.
We all know about it, but few do something to change it. Men love it, and women hate it. What am I? I am the double standard that is present when it comes to hooking up as it relates to men and women. As most of us know, guys are celebrated and even idolized by their male peers for “getting with” or “getting it in with” an attractive or what his friends would deem as an attractive female. “Damn bro, you’re so lucky. How was it?” or “F you man I’m jealous” are phrases constantly thrown around the male community when it comes to sex with girls. On the other hand, females are called nasty things when they have any type of sexual encounter with males.
Things I’ve learned about the double standard: Women are the ones calling each other sluts. It is very rare a guy would refer to a girl as a slut when talking to his friends. On the other hand, girls gossip and shit talk each other like it’s their jobs. If girls hate being called a slut, then why call another girl a slut just because she had sex with this guy or that guy? Does it really matter how many guys someone may sleep with? Does it negatively affect your life? If the answer to these questions are no then calling another girl a slut cannot be justified. Even if the answer to the questions were yes, let a girl be who she is and don’t judge her on it. It is hard enough already for girls to be who they are openly before they are called names and constantly judged.
On the other side of things, why do guys praise each other so much for having sex with a lot of girls? For one, guys can talk more openly about sex with each other than I think girls can and they can be truthful in saying they want to have sex really badly or are sex deprived. Women on the other hand tend to feel embarrassed or shamed if they have a sexual attraction to someone and usually keep it in to themselves. Also, guys are also more open in telling their friends if they had sex with someone or not rather than keep it in to themselves. For a lot of guys, it’s about the quantity and not the quality and for this, they feel no shame in bragging about all the sex they are having.
What are the ways to stop this double standard one may ask? To start, opening up the “asking the other person out” lines to both genders could be a start. This way the male doesn’t always seem like the aggressive one and the one looking for the girl. Can you imagine a world in which girls asked out guys as much as guys asked out girls? At first, girls would be called names such as “thirsty” because this would not be a norm. As time went on however, and more and more girls started to act in this manner, the act would be normalized and not judged. This would keep women and men on the same playing field and in turn get rid of all the slut shaming.
The next step would be acceptance. Females would have to accept the fact they like having sex just as much as men in general and because of it should be able to try to obtain it as much as they would like. The more this happens, the more girls who would change. Every social trend is generational and takes time to develop. Maybe the results would not come quick enough to affect the generation that I belong to, but why not save the next one? Men wouldn’t brag about all the sex they are having and who they are having it with because sex would be so normalized that it wouldn’t take an expert or a stud to have a lot of it. In my opinion there is a positive correlation between the number of girls calling each other sluts and the number of guys praising their friends. When one starts going down, the other will join. However, the slut shaming is the start of the problem so it needs to be the first part of the solution.
Rapping things up, I think that time is the biggest and most sacred thing we have as humans in order to fix a social problem. Slut shaming is a serious issue that has caused depression and even suicides. The feminist movement and ideals say that men and women should be equals and one should not have advantages or powers over the other. This being said, guys should not be idolized for having a lot of sex and girls should not be pushed down for having sex either. Sex should be something that is cherished at the point of it, but not obsessed over after the fact. Our brains create ideas and beliefs that we know not to be true in order to fill a niche or role in a group of people. At the end of the day, we all want to be accepted and loved.
I love the holidays. I start listening to Christmas music promptly on November 1st, simply because I want the snowy, cheerful season to last for as long as possible. I celebrate Christmas, but the holidays in general seem to bring about a theme of love between partners, family, and friends and appreciating one another as the year comes to a close.
“Ho told me the other she sent a nigga to jail. I thought it was legal to beat your hoe.” These are the opening lines to Kevin Gates hit single ‘Sposed to be in Love. He goes on to describe the current state of affairs between him and his significant other. In short, the young lady has decided that she no longer wants anything to do with Mr. Gates. She has even moved his belongings out of her home as a show of her seriousness in her decision to cut all ties with the narrator. In response to the young lady’s refusal to have anything more to do with him ,he declares that they are “supposed to be in love and ain’t no breaking up, and there ain’t no walking out”.
Throughout the song, Mr. Gates alternates between telling listeners that he will not allow his significant other the luxury of leaving him alone and describing the behaviors that led her to want to leave him. These behaviors include violence as well as lying and general mistreatment of her. This song reinforces the ideals of heterosexuality and power that plays out in our society everyday.
In her article Sex and Power, Kristen Barber argues that hetero-sex is a mechanism by which men dominate women. She goes on to say that in order to understand the subordination of women in the United States, one must analyze the practice of heterosexuality. Heterosexuality enforces gender norms where men dominate women and women are supposed to adhere unquestioningly to this dynamic of male empowerment and female dis-empowerment. In ‘Sposed to be in Love, we can see this dynamic at play. This song depicts a man exercising his dominance over his female partner. She no longer loves him and has decided to leave, but as the dominant party in the situation he feels as though it is his right to set the parameters of their relationship. Including, but not limited to, whether or not she can leave him. Rap music and songs like this specifically make way for such misogyny to thrive.
This begs the question:What will have to be done before our society can see a balance in gender roles??
Church Street, located in Midtown, is considered Nashville’s trendiest alternative nightlife scene. It is home to club Play, Club Tribe, and Suzy Wong’s House of Yum. Club Play is a gay friendly bar with an adjoining dance club. Club Play also hosts drag shows every day of the week. Tribe, in a similar fashion, is a gay friendly bar with a large dance floor. Tribe differs in that its entertainment is not limited to drag shows. It is also a venue to view television shows from popular culture, such as American Horror story Freak Show and the Walking Dead. Additionally, music videos play on a constant loop. It has coined itself, “Nashville’s original music video bar”. Lastly, Suzy Wong’s House of Yum is an Asian themed restaurant that specializes in Asian cuisine, creative cocktails, and “campy” music. It stays open late to accommodate the patrons of Club Play and Club Tribe. Monday through Saturday, Suzy Wong’s is strictly a place to enjoy good food, good drinks, and good music. On Sundays, however, Suzy Wong’s House of Yum is transformed into a venue for the purpose of showcasing the drag queens of Club Play and Club Tribe. From 11am until 3pm every Sunday, Suzy Wong’s hosts Drag N’ Brunch. Drag N’ Brunch consists of a special menu and 4-5 performances from one of Club Plays drag queens. Drag N’ Brunch and Suzy Wong’s House of Yum are not traditional venues for drag culture in that the performances are very “tame”. As such, it serves as a chance for families and those who are not necessarily prepared to watch drag in the traditional sense to experience an aspect of sexual expression that they might not have otherwise been exposed to.
Transgendered individuals in America, face many problems. Their problems stem from the fact that their sex, gender, and sexuality go against the normal order of our heteronormative society.
In her article Transgendering: Challenging the “normal”, Kimberly Tauches discusses some of the challenges that transgendered individuals face in their everyday lives. These issues include, but are not limited to: tension in public places, misuse of identifying pronouns, documentation of identity that fails to identify, assumptions concerning sexual preferences, and unfriendly attitudes from the medical world.
All of these adversities make it easy for those who identify as transgendered to feel marginalized and uncomfortable in the bodies that they inhabit. Drag offers the opportunity for these individuals to step out of the margins and take pride in who they are. Suzy Wong’s House of Yum and Drag N’ Brunch assists these individuals in their work to relieve themselves from the implications of transgendering in everyday life. It provides a space for transgendered individuals to both showcase their sexuality and the pride hey have in it as well as for them to introduce it to people outside of the queer community.