Are SD/SB relationships the same as prostitution?

Today many young girls are attracted to money, despite the circumstances. The typical Sugar Daddy and Sugar Baby relationship seems to have taken over the whole world. Literally. From traveling worldwide, and spending cash, to hiring models, and flying private jets to Dubai, the SD/SB relationship requires a steady flow of money and a wild mindset. But when we take a step back, what does the whole concept align with? Prostitution. Today, in the United States, although it is considered illegal, prostitution still does happen.

According to Forbes.com, “A sample of 1,024 street prostitutes conducted between 1990 and 1991 found that streetwalkers made $23,845 per year, while female service workers made $17,192 per year.” While this study was done in over twenty years ago, it shows the economical benefits of not having to pay for marriage costs.

However, according to an interview with Elizabeth Bernstein in “Introducing New Sexuality Studies”, she stated that “sociologist Pierre Bourdieu cautions that when researches attempt to understand social others through a provisional and deliberate engagement with their with their worlds, the result is like to be perceptions of these worlds which still derive from the researchers own habits.” To be able to contradict what Bourdieu said, Bernstein, in her study of prostitution went undercover in order to achieve the most accurate results.

When researching the wages that prostitutes earn each year, I found many different answers from different studies. I think that Pierre Burdieu’s theory comes into play largely when different researches claim wages. According to Lina Eroh, on erohisms.com, sex workers make roughly $15 dollars a night when hooking up with a western guy. In contrast, businessinsider.com states prices at a brothel in Nevada: $200.00 for 40 minutes

$300.00 for one hour

$500.00 for two hours

$700.00 for an hour of a couple’s party (one hour minimum)

$2,000.00 for overnight stays

These prices starkly contrast the prices states on Eroh’s blog. Therefore, there is no set income, but I think we can conclude that location comes into play when dealing with money.

I feel that Sugar Babies are pretty similar to prostitutes, although some may disagree. Some Sugar Baby/Sugar Daddy (SB/SD) relationships are based on different expectations than others. Having known someone who considered themselves a ‘sugar baby’, I feel that I can compare and contrast the lifestyle pretty somewhat accurate. There are different expectations from different Sugar Daddies. This aligns to prostitution where men pick and choose who they want. SD/SB relationships are often set up online, unlike prostitution, which is commonly done in person, through a business/brothel or on the street. Prostitution and being a ‘sugar baby’ require the same/similar emotional work. According to Bernstein’s interview, there are many different kinds of work that involve emotional labor, such as childcare, working at a nail salon, and being a hostess at a bar. Bernstein claims that work that requires such emotion means reinvesting emotions from one relationship, and using it through labor. Prostitution and SD/SB relationships both ‘draw on source of self’. Sugar Babies and Prostitutes alike most likely do not want to engage in the acts that they do, but they do it for the rewards at the end. The rewards may be money for both prostitutes and sugar babies, or may be gifts, travel or experiences for solely sugar babies.

Prostitutes receive business from all types of men. According to livescience.com, in 1948, “up to 69 percent of American men had paid for sex at some point in their lives.” But in 2010, a study was made that concluded 14% had previously paid for sex. Prostitute’s customers are considered mostly ‘hobbyists’ and livescience.com also said that most are white, earn over $120,000 a year, and are married. These men also claimed that they may think about sex more than other do.

The amount of commitment from a prostitute versus a Sugar Baby are pretty astounding. At first glance, you might think that prostitution requires more effort. However styleite.com does not agree. The writer claims that being a sugar baby requires far more effort. Her argument makes sense. Being a sugar baby requires a full time commitment, and companionship, meanwhile prostitution is a one and done kind of commitment. Some may not agree with this argument, but it is up to debate. However, sugar babies may be treated to nicer environment. The situation might be less sketchy as well. Prostitutes also have to put more time into getting hired, such as standing in the street, meanwhile Sugar babies more than likely have long time clients, and can easily apply for sugar daddies online.

In conclusion, I find that prostitution and sugar daddy/sugar baby relationships are pretty similar. Both involve high risk and commitment. Although the clientele might be different, the emotional and physical states while on job are pretty similar. I feel that both of the lifestyles are not talked about enough, and should be brought to light.

Do you think that prostitution and Sugar Daddy/Sugar Baby relationships are similar?

Do you feel that being a Sugar Baby should be illegal?

Do you think that there are any at this school?

What kind of men do you think engage in this activity, and how do you think it differentiates between someone who hires a prostitute over a sugar baby?

Do you think prostitution should be legalized so that it can be regulated, because it does happen?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5kUoAiDuryU

Advertisements

The double standard and possible solutions to the problem

We all know about it, but few do something to change it.  Men love it, and women hate it.  What am I? I am the double standard that is present when it comes to hooking up as it relates to men and women.  As most of us know, guys are celebrated and even idolized by their male peers for “getting with” or “getting it in with” an attractive or what his friends would deem as an attractive female.  “Damn bro, you’re so lucky. How was it?” or “F you man I’m jealous” are phrases constantly thrown around the male community when it comes to sex with girls.  On the other hand, females are called nasty things when they have any type of sexual encounter with males.

Things I’ve learned about the double standard: Women are the ones calling each other sluts.  It is very rare a guy would refer to a girl as a slut when talking to his friends.  On the other hand, girls gossip and shit talk each other like it’s their jobs.  If girls hate being called a slut, then why call another girl a slut just because she had sex with this guy or that guy? Does it really matter how many guys someone may sleep with? Does it negatively affect your life? If the answer to these questions are no then calling another girl a slut cannot be justified.  Even if the answer to the questions were yes, let a girl be who she is and don’t judge her on it.  It is hard enough already for girls to be who they are openly before they are called names and constantly judged.

On the other side of things, why do guys praise each other so much for having sex with a lot of girls? For one, guys can talk more openly about sex with each other than I think girls can and they can be truthful in saying they want to have sex really badly or are sex deprived.  Women on the other hand tend to feel embarrassed or shamed if they have a sexual attraction to someone and usually keep it in to themselves.  Also, guys are also more open in telling their friends if they had sex with someone or not rather than keep it in to themselves.  For a lot of guys, it’s about the quantity and not the quality and for this, they feel no shame in bragging about all the sex they are having.

What are the ways to stop this double standard one may ask? To start, opening up the “asking the other person out” lines to both genders could be a start.  This way the male doesn’t always seem like the aggressive one and the one looking for the girl.  Can you imagine a world in which girls asked out guys as much as guys asked out girls?  At first, girls would be called names such as “thirsty” because this would not be a norm.  As time went on however, and more and more girls started to act in this manner, the act would be normalized and not judged.  This would keep women and men on the same playing field and in turn get rid of all the slut shaming.

The next step would be acceptance.  Females would have to accept the fact they like having sex just as much as men in general and because of it should be able to try to obtain it as much as they would like.  The more this happens, the more girls who would change.  Every social trend is generational and takes time to develop.  Maybe the results would not come quick enough to affect the generation that I belong to, but why not save the next one? Men wouldn’t brag about all the sex they are having and who they are having it with because sex would be so normalized that it wouldn’t take an expert or a stud to have a lot of it.  In my opinion there is a positive correlation between the number of girls calling each other sluts and the number of guys praising their friends.  When one starts going down, the other will join.  However, the slut shaming is the start of the problem so it needs to be the first part of the solution.

Rapping things up, I think that time is the biggest and most sacred thing we have as humans in order to fix a social problem.  Slut shaming is a serious issue that has caused depression and even suicides.  The feminist movement and ideals say that men and women should be equals and one should not have advantages or powers over the other.  This being said, guys should not be idolized for having a lot of sex and girls should not be pushed down for having sex either.  Sex should be something that is cherished at the point of it, but not obsessed over after the fact.  Our brains create ideas and beliefs that we know not to be true in order to fill a niche or role in a group of people.  At the end of the day, we all want to be accepted and loved.

Whats sex got to do with.. weight?

In popular culture today, we typically see advertisements, movies, or even hear songs about men and women having sex who obtain “perfect” bodies. We see and hear about small waist lines, chiseled abs, and big boobs. However, contradictory to what we see portrayed by media, 69% of adults in America are overweight or obese according to http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/obesity-overweight.htm. That means that most couples engaging in sexual activity are not portrayed or talked about accurately in media. Does being overweight necessarily effect sex drive? According to Andrew McCollough of NYU Medical Center, “Medical conditions such as high cholesterol and insulin resistance [an early indicator of type 2 diabetes] do have the ability to impact sexual performance, which in turn impacts desire, particularly in men..A man who has problems having an erection is going to lose his desire for sex in not too long a time,” says McCollough” Erection problems are caused by fat deposits that clog vessels in arteries that make the penis inert. Body fat also produces SHBG, (sex hormone binding globulin), which attaches to testosterone. making less testosterone available to increase sex drive.  Continue reading

Why is there a Double Standard?

There is a definite double standard between men and women in the college environment. Kathleen Bogle states designates a whole chapter to provide readers an explanation and attempt to create an understanding for those of us who don’t really get it. So, guys are free to hook up with whoever comes at them (or whoever they go after) while girls have to be cautious to maintain a good reputation, one that does not include the words “slut” or “whore”. Furthermore, we are given standards to live by with no boundaries. Larry, a senior at Faith University, stated that a girl is considered a slut if she sleeps with twelve guys in a short period of time or if she hooks up with five guys in a week, which means a new guy every day. This statement really bothered me because I feel like that is not the least bit realistic. So where do these guys get these obscenely high numbers when being asked what a “slut” is? Do they think that girls are morally corrupt or do they use their numbers for background knowledge to make the estimate? The more important question may be: who are these guys to determine what the definition of a “slut” is? Why can they hook up with large amounts of girls and still be considered a bro? If guys are given the opportunity to define such a harsh term, we clearly have a problem in society. This double standard is very unclear which gives guys more freedom and girls more of an opportunity to be judged. I also found it displeasing that once a girl hooks up with a guy, she is talked about with the “bros” which could possibly place a target on her. A target that calls for boys to stay away from her or one that draws them in. It was interesting that boys who want to hook up look for the “trophy girl”, one that does not hook up often. My question is, if she does not hook up often then why does he think he’s something special enough to persuade her to hookup. Does it make her more of a trophy girl if she turns him down knowing she is just another girl to him?

By interviewing boys and providing statistics, it is known that boys don’t want to date in college. They want to “have fun.” It takes two to tango. Therefore, in the midst of trying to have their own fun they are putting the moves on many girls. In society today, a girl will do whatever it takes to try to get a boy to fall for her, even if that means hooking up. Maybe boys are essentially the start to this unfortunate domino effect. Let’s set up a scenario: A girl sees a guy at a party who she thinks is very attractive, they talk, he uses his sweet talking abilities, they leave and now they are in bed together. By the time the night is over, he’s a bro and she’s a slut?

This video displays the sexual double standard wonderfully.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=baT3LWaSfuM

She explains that this double standard has taken place for a really long time. Even though both a man and a woman are involved in the act, the woman is viewed as promiscuous.

Earlier in the semester, we talked about sexual education programs in school. Many were not efficient and some schools did not have them at all. This woman in the video brings up a very important fact. Many young girls today are told not to be too revealing with their outfits because boys will get the wrong impression. Therefore, they need to be taught more than only abstinence in these programs. As I said, this sexual double standard is really not specific which allows anyone to say mean things. Even girls call girls sluts when they are not particularly taking part in any action that would resemble the actions of a “slut”. This is the time where we need to educate to stop this double standard.

My questions for you: How can we stop this double standard? Do boys instigate it? Why are they given the opportunity to define it? Should Kathleen Bogle have interviewed guys at different universities? Do you think there is any hope to end this double standard?

Spotlight on…Green Dots!

file:///Users/johnlockwood/Desktop/green%20dot.jpg

Green Dots is an organization on the Vanderbilt University campus that addresses and supports victims of personal violence and why personal violence situations occur. Green Dots are individual choices that meet in a shared vision trying to create a social movement. It is a person’s choice to save or prevent someone from being in a dangerous situation. The organization symbolizes moments where someone can help a person in potential danger and prevent a dangerous situation by going through the training and identifying the signs. These green dots will increase the safety of everyone on campus and in the community and believing in Green Dots could end the perpetration of violence. Through education, outreach, and staff development we can create more green dots around the community to help more people avoid sexual assault. At Vanderbilt, the organization aspires to integrate in all aspects of campus life, increase faculty and staff support, serve diverse populations, and implement the best practices to enhance programmatic efforts. They truly want to make a difference in people’s lives.

http://news.vanderbilt.edu/files/green-dot1.jpg

Green Dots even includes the athletic department in their goal of educating the entire campus about how to avoid personal violence and what the signs look like. A majority of the athletic teams went through the training. It was a great way to learn about the signs of a potentially dangerous person and situation. For example, the trainer from Green Dots explained what steps a guy at a party might make to persuade a girl to go home with him for a sexual interaction. Some signs include; buying the girl drinks, encouraging her to drink a lot, complimenting her, engaging in a conversation so it seems like he is very interested in what she is saying, various physical interactions, and finally taking her home. The instructor also gave a booklet about documenting personal experiences. This was a way to reflect and grow from various experiences. We also learned about stories of young women who were victims of personal violence. Going through this training was more than beneficial because it helped to realize how important it is to protect each other when people are drinking or going out. Being sexually assaulted can happen to anyone, so being aware of the people around you is essential.

dot-with-text.jpg

Sexual assault has fallen by more than 50% in recent years. Had the 1993 rate held steady, 9.7 million Americans would have been assaulted in the last 20 years. Due to the drastic decline over the last 20 years, the actual number of victims was only 4.2 million people. The decline of these numbers is heavily due to the rising awareness of sexual assault across the nation. To put things into perspective, here are some statistics about sexual abuse: every two minutes, another American is sexually assaulted. And each year, there are about 237,868 victims of sexual assault. Organizations, like Green Dot, are working towards ceasing this phenomenon and ending sexual assault. Green Dot parallels many of the ideologies and concepts we’ve discussed in class. Although sexual abuse is a new concept to our classroom discussions, it is not a new occurrence in everyday life. Green Dot isn’t the only organization addressing and supporting victims of personal violence. Lately there has been a huge push against sexual assault on college campuses, and we have read many articles focusing on bystander intervention and the emphasis on the victim never being at fault. A huge problem in today’s society is that many times blame will get put on the victim. “She was asking for it” or “she wasn’t that drunk” or “oh, she was flirting the whole night…” are common excuses we hear after sexual assault takes place. Society continues to misplace blame and shame on survivors, both men and women, on college campuses and everywhere else. Many famous people have been working to end this stigma that often get placed onto a victim. Marisa Hargitay, Law and Order SVU star, is a huge advocate for survivors of abuse—working to make sure they receive the justice they deserve. Many other organizations have been working to promote bystander intervention. Philip J. Hanlon, the president of Dartmouth, has also been working heavily on informing his students of the important of intervening when deemed necessary. Hargitay and Hanlon are just two examples of people that are working towards stopping sexual assault.

5220c57e45dff.image.jpg

Another concept we discussed in class is the difference between consent and coercion. Consent is when someone agrees, gives permission, or blatantly says yes to engaging in sexual activity with someone else. Central to the concept of consent is the understanding that every person has a right to control his or her body. Unless clear permission is given, no one else has the right to engage in any sort of activity with another person. Consent is not body language, assumptions, being drunk, marriage or even coercion. Coercion is a tactic that perpetrators use to exert power and control over another person. Coercion typically occurs when a person intimidates or manipulates someone into engaging in sexual activity without the use of physical force. Green Dot is working to ensure consent is given before someone goes off with someone else. It is all about bystander intervention. Green Dot promotes the idea that it is the job of outsiders observing situations to intervene if they feel they must. No one should feel like they can’t step into a situation that just doesn’t seem right.

Understanding what Green Dots can truly change your life. You gain a better understanding of how to protect yourself and others, as well as preventing a potentially dangerous situation. If you would like to learn more, you can visit their website at: http://www.vanderbilt.edu/greendot/ or email greendot@vanderbilt.edu. It is partnered with Project Safe so you can also contact Cara Tuttle Bell, Director of the Project Safe Center, at cara.tuttle.bell@vanderbilt.edu with any questions. 

By Amanda Lockwood, Kayla Peterson, Liam Sabino