What’s Sex got to do with…. Marriage?

According to Erica Hunter marriage is a “legal and social contract, and an institution that includes romance and weddings that reinforce gender roles and heterosexuality” (Hunter 308).  Is that really the case now though? I think not.

Hunter explains that marriage provides a lot of couples with many personal benefits as well as a marker of transition to adulthood.  With that, marriage helps legitimate heterosexual relationships because the relationships between marriage and sexuality is created and maintained through gender expectations and roles.  Heterosexual marriage is celebrated in our society and is sitting at an outstanding 90% of population that will be married in their lives (Hunter 309).  This clearly shows how marriage is an institution that reinforces the idea that heterosexuality is the way to be.

Nonethess, over time marriage has drastically changed.  One of the main differences is that same-sex couples are now allowed to marry.  In 35 states: AK, AZ, CA, CO, CT, DE, HI, ID, IA, IL, IN, KS, ME, MD, MA, MN, MT, NC, NH, NJ, NM, NV, NY, OK, OR, PA, RI, SC, UT, VA, VT, WA, WV, WI, and WY, plus Washington, D.C. and St. Louis, Missouri – same-sex couples have the freedom to marry.  Below is a map that explain it in detail. Continue reading

What Does Sex Have to Do With… Marriage and Immigration

The institution of marriage is the process of negotiating a legal and social contract between two people. Everybody is expected to get married in their life as early as possible to signify the legitimate transition into adulthood. At times, some people do not even know why they want marriage other than the fact that it is what we are supposed to do when we get older: get married, get a job, have sex, and make a family. This helps men and women maintain high social statuses by combining family wealth, production, and relationships. That is why two people who are not the same race or social class are always looked down upon for wanting marriage. Not only does the institution of marriage come with independency and approval from family and friends, but it also comes with benefits from the government such as legal protections and immigration rights.
Although marriage is a social institution, it is not a stable one. Marriage and the reasons for marriage are constantly changing. Currently, marriage is not the only representation of adulthood, and people are becoming more independent. Even though marriage should be based on the instances of unconditional love, the reasons for marriage extend beyond that to the point that love could have nothing to do with it. Referring back to the benefits people can receive from marriage, immigrants often use marriage as a visa to live in the United States. This is one of the safest ways for immigrants to become a part of the United States without becoming a citizen, while also being able to function to get a job and live healthily in contrast to the video we watched “Out in the Fields”. In that video, women had a hard time emigrating from their countries to a safe environment because the situations they came into marked them as illegal, which made them unable to get a job or anything to help themselves. When they were put in that position, it forced them to either get involved in the sex trade, or, like the video, work into the fields where they were prone to sexual assault.

immigrant

For example, in the television series Prison Break, the main character decides to break his brother out of jail, but he does so with the help of his immigrant wife. He made a deal with her that he would marry her in order to help her start her life in the United States as long as she did simple tasks in order to help him break his brother out of prison. With this, she was able to live her own life outside of the deal she made.
How do you think the institution of marriage is perceived by the majority of the United States? Do you think it is less important now then it was in the past? Do you think marriage in the terms of helping someone emigrate is legitimate or should it only be for love purposes?

Post-College: The Final Countdown

College is deemed as a time in ones life where one can do whatever he or she wants. There are no parents, no rules, and a plentiful supply of alcohol and horny boys and girls. This leads to a hook-up culture that resonates on college campuses that replaces the “dating” scene that took place during high school.

Freshman students come into college with many expectations that originated with media. Most of these expectations deal with the hook-up culture, because let’s face it, it’s inescapable. In Katherine Bogle’s Hooking Up: Sex, Dating, and Relationships on Campus, she outlines the process of “hooking up”. First, individuals must identify a hookup partner (random or known), trigger some sort of change going from strangers or acquaintances to act sexual, identify a place to hook up, and decide how far both parties feel comfortable going with each other. A big reason the “hook up” scene thrives on college campuses is due to the proximity of dorms to parties. Here at Vanderbilt, all fraternity parties take place on campus, so if students meet at a party and decide to go back to the room to “hook up”, it is relatively easy.

However, after these four years of essentially “messing around” and avoiding relationships, once college ends it is not so easy anymore. It’s crunch time to find “the one”. Remember all the couples in high school? It’s back! The hook up culture is very different and is now replaced with serious dating. According to Bogle and all the interviews she conducted, women often have an age that they deem ideal for marriage and don’t want to get married any later. They often have plans of their future lives and have an age set for child bearing as well. On the other hand, instead of wanting to be married by a certain age men have an age that they do not want to be married until. This may seem confusing but is true even in my friend group. For example, I hope to be married by the time I am twenty-six and have kids at twenty-nine, but my friend Christopher says will not even consider marriage before the age of thirty. With men and women idealizing different ages to get married and have children, someone has to give. Who ends up sacrificing their life plans?

In addition to individuals being forced to face the real world and their futures, the hook-up scene changes to dating for a multitude of other reasons. In college, when a two people meet at a fraternity party or any other on-campus event, there is a bubble of safety even with going back to the dorms with them. It is certain that both individuals go to the college, so even if they do not particularly know each other, they are sure to have mutual friends and this creates a level of comfort. However, after college this safety blanket is no longer there. When two people meet at a bar, they are strangers in all aspects: they knowing nothing about one-another, and this creates discomfort. Over fall break, I went to the University of Georgia, and instead of fraternity parties like we have here at Vandy, students spend their weekend nights going out to bars in Athens. This was fun, but similar to post college dating, it is unknown whether someone actually goes to UGA or is just hanging out at the bars, and this made me uncomfortable. From the time we are babies, “do not talk to strangers” is always being instilled in us, so this comes back around in the post-college dating scene.

In addition to the added stranger-danger aspect of dating, there are new expectations. In the college hook-up scene, seeing people making out on the dance floor is not a rare occurrence; in fact it is everywhere, and not much is left to the imagination. If this is what people are doing in public, who can say what is happening in the privacy of their room when the students go back. However, once college is over, dating is less casual and less “for fun” and more serious and for the purpose of finding ones future husband or wife. Therefore, sexual expectations are lot less than one would think especially on the first date. Being a freshman in high school surrounded by the hook-up culture, this shocks me. First, we back track from dating in high school to casually “hooking up” in college, and now we go from making out with strangers in college to no sexual contact on first dates post-college? In Bogle’s studies, she has come to the conclusion that though men will hook up with anyone, they want a respectable wife. In her interview with Jake, he admits that though he has slept with girls on the first date, he would never want a relationship with them. The farthest he would go on a first date is a goodnight kiss, and this notion was reflected by other males and females as well. Additionally, there is a stigma with the number of people women have slept with. In Bogle’s interview with Matthew, he admits that if a girl has slept with over 15 people that would concern him, but interestingly his number is over 100. Is that not concerning?

Overall, as seen by the interviews Bogle conducted, though the hook-up culture has died down, the double standard does not go away. Besides these social and environment issues, what else do you think contributes to the decline of the hook up scene in the years following college? Why do women generally want to marry younger than men? Why do men get to decide what is the right and wrong number of people for women to sleep with?