Post-College: The Final Countdown

College is deemed as a time in ones life where one can do whatever he or she wants. There are no parents, no rules, and a plentiful supply of alcohol and horny boys and girls. This leads to a hook-up culture that resonates on college campuses that replaces the “dating” scene that took place during high school.

Freshman students come into college with many expectations that originated with media. Most of these expectations deal with the hook-up culture, because let’s face it, it’s inescapable. In Katherine Bogle’s Hooking Up: Sex, Dating, and Relationships on Campus, she outlines the process of “hooking up”. First, individuals must identify a hookup partner (random or known), trigger some sort of change going from strangers or acquaintances to act sexual, identify a place to hook up, and decide how far both parties feel comfortable going with each other. A big reason the “hook up” scene thrives on college campuses is due to the proximity of dorms to parties. Here at Vanderbilt, all fraternity parties take place on campus, so if students meet at a party and decide to go back to the room to “hook up”, it is relatively easy.

However, after these four years of essentially “messing around” and avoiding relationships, once college ends it is not so easy anymore. It’s crunch time to find “the one”. Remember all the couples in high school? It’s back! The hook up culture is very different and is now replaced with serious dating. According to Bogle and all the interviews she conducted, women often have an age that they deem ideal for marriage and don’t want to get married any later. They often have plans of their future lives and have an age set for child bearing as well. On the other hand, instead of wanting to be married by a certain age men have an age that they do not want to be married until. This may seem confusing but is true even in my friend group. For example, I hope to be married by the time I am twenty-six and have kids at twenty-nine, but my friend Christopher says will not even consider marriage before the age of thirty. With men and women idealizing different ages to get married and have children, someone has to give. Who ends up sacrificing their life plans?

In addition to individuals being forced to face the real world and their futures, the hook-up scene changes to dating for a multitude of other reasons. In college, when a two people meet at a fraternity party or any other on-campus event, there is a bubble of safety even with going back to the dorms with them. It is certain that both individuals go to the college, so even if they do not particularly know each other, they are sure to have mutual friends and this creates a level of comfort. However, after college this safety blanket is no longer there. When two people meet at a bar, they are strangers in all aspects: they knowing nothing about one-another, and this creates discomfort. Over fall break, I went to the University of Georgia, and instead of fraternity parties like we have here at Vandy, students spend their weekend nights going out to bars in Athens. This was fun, but similar to post college dating, it is unknown whether someone actually goes to UGA or is just hanging out at the bars, and this made me uncomfortable. From the time we are babies, “do not talk to strangers” is always being instilled in us, so this comes back around in the post-college dating scene.

In addition to the added stranger-danger aspect of dating, there are new expectations. In the college hook-up scene, seeing people making out on the dance floor is not a rare occurrence; in fact it is everywhere, and not much is left to the imagination. If this is what people are doing in public, who can say what is happening in the privacy of their room when the students go back. However, once college is over, dating is less casual and less “for fun” and more serious and for the purpose of finding ones future husband or wife. Therefore, sexual expectations are lot less than one would think especially on the first date. Being a freshman in high school surrounded by the hook-up culture, this shocks me. First, we back track from dating in high school to casually “hooking up” in college, and now we go from making out with strangers in college to no sexual contact on first dates post-college? In Bogle’s studies, she has come to the conclusion that though men will hook up with anyone, they want a respectable wife. In her interview with Jake, he admits that though he has slept with girls on the first date, he would never want a relationship with them. The farthest he would go on a first date is a goodnight kiss, and this notion was reflected by other males and females as well. Additionally, there is a stigma with the number of people women have slept with. In Bogle’s interview with Matthew, he admits that if a girl has slept with over 15 people that would concern him, but interestingly his number is over 100. Is that not concerning?

Overall, as seen by the interviews Bogle conducted, though the hook-up culture has died down, the double standard does not go away. Besides these social and environment issues, what else do you think contributes to the decline of the hook up scene in the years following college? Why do women generally want to marry younger than men? Why do men get to decide what is the right and wrong number of people for women to sleep with?

What’s sex have to do with …Baby Making Music?

Everyone likes to have sex to music right? Music makes the sexual pleasure better?

Sexual pleasure is the satisfaction a person gets when sexually pleased. Part of reaching these satisfactions are through attraction, techniques, and body connection. Social construction of sexuality is defined through pleasure. Understanding sexual pleasure means understanding sexual norms. Knowing what stimulates a male or female is based off the cultural norms. Over time, generations have changes the cultural norms in relationship, in particularly, marriage. The purpose of marriage isn’t based around love anymore.

In the “Change and Continuity in American Marriage” article by Erica Hunter, she explains how marriage has changed over generations. As child, we dream of eventually falling in love with someone of the opposite sex, marrying them, and raising a happy family of our own. Sociologist argue that marriage is becoming deinstitutionalized, or that the institutional roles of marriage, such as creating household units, having and raising children, and providing a basis for learning gender roles, are increasingly being replaced with a model of marriage as an institution designed to fulfill personal development (312). Meaning that love isn’t agreed upon for love, but for purposes that will help a person benefit personally.

Here is a link to a few “baby making songs”.

You ever heard the term “baby making music.” This is a term that many African American adults use to describe a song used during making love. It is usually referring to a couple that is making long, slow, intimate love trying to learn each other. Marvin Gaye, Al Green, and Barry White are the best at making slow jams. Their music from the 1960s is what a lot of 90s baby’s listen to, trying to feel the feeling that their parents, grandparents, and great grandparents felt when in love. Marriage to them was at first a bond. A relationship where love was the foundations and sexual pleasures were an extra. The love songs were about learning and getting to know each other. In today’s society, love songs are all about male sexual pleasures. Females are supposed to be the submissive. Marriage isn’t done for love. Today, marriage is done for money, reputation, or personal goals. Divorce rates are increasing due to these reasons. Everyone dreams of their fairytale story but doesn’t know the proper way of getting it.

How has society changed relationships and marriages? Does love even exist anymore? How can music help change today’s cultural norms of sexuality?

Cybersex: The Virtual Hookup

 What comes to mind when you think about sex?  The most common image of sex would probably be vaginal intercourse but some may consider oral sex, anal sex, BDSM or certain fetishes to be categories of sex.  What about internet sex or cybersex?  Is sexual stimulation through text cybersex and webcam cybersex a healthy and valid way to achieve sexual pleasure?  In this post I will discuss the world of internet sex as detailed in Dennis Waskul’s, “Internet Sex: The Seductive ‘Freedom To’”, and my argument regarding its health and validity as a sexual practice. Continue reading