Double Standards- Reflection

The most influential concept to understanding the relationship between sex and society is the double standards. We make sexual decisions both male and female based off out morals. And theses morals are made though what society’s standards called double standards. There are things that males can do that females can’t do and there are things that females can do that males can’t do. There are more things that females can’t do compared to the things that males can’t do. Males can do just about anything they want. Their sexual activity is encouraged and they are ask to be as sexual as they can. On the other hand, females are asked to stay in a box and not be very sexual because they will be labeled as a “slut” or “hoe”. I find this unfair because females are being monitored by people they could really care less about but because it’s a judgment made by society, it’s a hard line to cross or their reputations will be bad. Do you agree? If so, do you think it is important for a girl to just keep her sex life on the down low?

You think girls aren’t really required not to have sex but to keep their sex life a secret? Will that change things? At the end of the day, it would be wrong for her to say she is a virgin. Or is it? Her lying about her sex life to keep a good reputation shouldn’t hurt anyone right?

If a girls has sex with 12 guys and a guys has sex with 12 girls and these two meet, but she tells him that she is virgin, will that be immoral? I find it fair considering that she has to choose between having no sex life to having one but hiding it.

Sex and society lives off the double standard. People make decisions when it comes to sex based off the double standards. Me being a Christina, I feel as though I’m in a constant compete with the double standard. Am I waiting till marriage or am I not trying to break the double standard code? Race, religion, and culture all help to make up someone’s morals when it comes to sex. Society just seems to push against those morals slightly because at the end of the day, we all (most) want sex. No matter who you are, we all (most) want sex in some shape, size, or form. We all want to be pleased and appreciated. “We all want love.”

Is there a way of breaking the double standard? If not, why do we creep around it? No one wants to be judged but we all want to be happy and make our own decisions so we can have our own identities. Sex and society live off the double standard whether we see it or not.

 

What’s sex have to do with… Anastasia from 50 Shades of Grey?

 

Is Grey the only one who wants to have sex in this book? Because he is the one with the most experience, does she still have sexual desires? How do we know this? Or do we even know this?

Anastasia falls in love with Grey because he makes her feel different. He teaches her how to have a sex drive. And she falls right into his trap. Her female desires do appear as the book goes on. She starts to long for him and long for sex.

In this book, he practices BDSM and teaches her. This is an arrangement between two about how they will have sex, usually meaning one being the dominate and the other being the submissive.

I find the sintering because it brings me to wonder about relationships and are there a hidden BDSM act in some relationships. When girls stay in abusive relationships, if it because they did cross boundaries and deserved to be punished. Why did Ray Rice soon to be wife stay with her?

http://abcnews.go.com/Sports/ray-rice-good-spirits-staying-strong-wife/story?id=25371986

In this article she states that she “wants others to stay out of their business.”

Do you think they practice BDSM and the scene in the elevator just so happens to be caught on camera? Or maybe that is pushing it a little to far but I think that in this case, she crossed a boundary so she was punished. Is that not what happens?

What’s sex have to do with …romance?

 

Have you ever been in love? I’m not talking about the love where you exchange ring pop, kiss on the playground, and post pictures with cute captions on social media. I’m talking about falling in love with someone, making love with them and marring that person because you two belong together. Well isn’t that what happens in romantic movies? Two meet and cant resist each other and although they don’t have sex until the end, they do everything in their power to make it to that point.

I connected this to Kerwin Kays “sexual intercourse” article because I feel that sex when it comes to love isn’t just an act. When it’s romantic sex, it’s calling making love. Having sex is natural but making love is a step farther when it comes to sexual intercourse.

In love and basketball, the two main characters are in love. They go through ups and down. The double standard is shown in this movie because the guys has sex with multiple girls just because he is/wants to be the man while the girl saves herself for him.

Here is the YouTube link to the sex scene in love and basketball.

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xduuf4xdEvw

Is this scene cute and romantic because they both obey the double standard? If she had been having sex with other guys, would it still have the same meaning? If he didn’t know how to put on the condom because he does have experience, would this scene still be as special?

 

What’s sex have to do with… my own sex life?

This one is for the females. Do you ever get so caught up in wondering what others will think of you if they knew about your sex life? Will you get that name of being a hoe, or do they have the wrong perspective of who you are and really you’re an innocent girl? Well which is it?

I today’s society we get so caught up in not wanting to be judged and obeying the double standard. The double standard between men and women are for praising the male sexuality and to monitor the female sexuality. Men can have sex with so many people and not get the name “hoe” or “slut” while females have to make sure they have only 1 sex partner because they don’t want to have a bad reputations. The interviews in Bogle’s book helps to explain that guys will respect a girl more if she has a low number is sex partners.

http://battymamzelle.blogspot.com/2014/02/The-Beyonce-Conversation-Black-Women-Feminism-And-The-Presumption-Of-Sexual-Agency16.html#.VH6nI-ktBMs

This is a great picture in encouraging females to fight against the double standard. Control your own sex life. Don’t let society dictate what you do with your sex life. Beyonce does a great job in fighting the double standard and promoting feminism. Her music fights to protect the female decisions to be sexual.

Instead of society understand that a female can control her own sexuality, society in trying to monitor it. Put females in a buddle. Why do we have this double standard? Over the years, has the double standards changed? What can we do to flip the double standard to where females are getting praised for being sexually active?

Sex as a Moral Discourse

Do you feel like our society is becoming more comfortable about being sexual? Why? Why is it now okay to be more explicit on television? Is entertainment, popularity, or money more important than our morals? Or are we wrong? Who is it for you to makes someone’s morals for them?

In the article “Purity and pollution” by Nancy L. Fischer, she discusses sex as a moral discourse. She explains that older generations viewed specific sexual acts as immoral such as oral sex or masturbation. Today, it’s not based on what is being done but who is doing it that makes it sexually immoral. Now, society is more focus on identities rather than acts. It is okay for certain people to do certain sexual things than others just because of their identity. For example, we are more comfortable with Olivia Pope being sexual or TV but it would be considered immoral for Oprah Winfrey to be sexual on TV. You agree?

Warner states that “sexual morality is about controlling someone else’s sex life.” This plays a big part in our society now because we are so focused on what others are doing and always thinking of ways to control them. If someone doesn’t fit in “your” group because of their sexual morals, then they are most likely called names and often excluded from “your” group of friends because they don’t me certain standards. Who is the judge of those who are claimed to be sexually corrupted? Who labels others? I think we all play a part is labeling. We are draw to a group of people in which we are most similar or think have the same morals as we do. I am a strong Christian so I prefer to hang around other string Christians just because I feel comfortable that they are doing God’s works and not just talking about it. The morals of my group help define us, who are, and what we stand for. If no one fits in this category, we don’t necessarily exclude them but it would be difficult to see how they would “fit in.” For example, Christian like to save sex for marriage, therefore it would be hard to look at someone else as one of “us” if they are sleeping around with many people. So, we would try to control their sex life or it would be difficult to accept them. That’s just being honest.

I connected this to the “sex and power” article by Kristen Barber. Sex is a way of having power in many social groups. Being able to have sex with the most popular guys in school are “cool” to some people. Sex in that way is used as power. She gets praise from being able to do that, but only to her group.

The following link shows examples of slick scenes that are in Spongebob:

http://www.collegehumor.com/post/6980443/15-awesomely-inappropriate-jokes-from-spongebob-squarepants

I never caught onto these jokes until I was about 15. That doesn’t mean it’s appropriate to show to younger kids. There are more cartoons being showed where kids are being exposed too early to certain things. Cartoon Network used to be a cartoon channel that was censored for elementary school viewers. Have you viewed cartoon network today? Sometimes, adult swim is being showed. It is easier to find sexual acts on TV now a days.

Have you ever heard of the quote “live and let live”?

I feel like our society is busy living but not letting others live. We are quick to judge what we don’t thinks fits our own moral standards. Why is this true? When did we decide to make ourselves the ones who decide what’s right and what’s wrong? The funny thing is that there are so many rights and wrongs. This is when media needs to make the decision to stay neutral. We know it is not right to have explicit content being shown to younger kids. Our generation seems to not care so much about what is being shown on TV. I think a lot of it have to do with News channels. The reports are interviewing low educated people who get on camera and make a fool of themselves. Then social media makes some extreme edits to the interview to make it more entertaining. Why are the News channels doing this?

Why is society being more comfortable to being sexual? During the VMAs, was Miley Cyrus just trying to make a scene or make money? Why did she go from being a role model for younger kids off the Disney channel to being known as the white chick with no butt, trying to twerk on national television?

interracial Romance

You ever fall in love with someone of another race? Or haven’t yet, but really want to? Are you a white guy looking for a black girl? Or a black girl looking for a white guy? Why? Because you have heard all the rumors about what other races can do for you? You ever heard that white guys are gentler and a lot more caring? Have you heard that light skins aren’t loyal and have too many hoes?

What defines a person race? It seems that our society define race by a person’s skin color. People don’t get treated certain ways because of their race, but because of their skin complexion. Race is usually categorized as black, white, or Asian. It is also define by social class education level. This factors are what society uses to judge you. The amount of money someone has defines their race. You ever called a black person white just because they have so much money or act a certain way? They don’t talk like “normal” black people. Doesn’t this effect your view on things?

Kumiko Nemoto’s article, “interracial romance,” explains how and why these interracial relationships occur. Also explains how these relationship cause for false impression because people start to think that racism and discrimination is lessening. That doesn’t seem to be the case. There seems to be a lot more cases still happening in society where blacks and whites are against each other. When events like Ferguson occurs, it causes society to compare black and white punishments. How many white people got off for doing greater crimes, while blacks are getting a greater punishment when they did something that isn’t viewed to be very bad?

In the article is tells us that Times Magazine the “new race of America” is the mixed race. Have you ever heard a white person say that they aren’t marrying someone of another race because they want to keep their race alive? More and more mixed kids are being born each day. This means that pure races are shrinking. Black and white couples seem to me the most observed. But why? One reason is because now, both races have more freedom amongst each other so it’s possible now. Black and white interracial relationships aren’t the only focus. White men are getting partners that are Asian. Asian women are viewed as hyper feminine and subservient.

Why are we more attacked to people of a different race in present day than years ago? Is racism not supposed to exist anymore?

I connected this to the “sex and power” article (NSS) because I think that this is a great example where sex is used to gain/have power over another race. Men who go after Asians because they are stereotyped to being very catering is an example. These men don’t want love. They just want power. You think this is fair? Will he be identified as weak? Having power is all that our society focuses on. We want to be higher than someone else. Having control over someone is what we want and long for. Wanting a white guy instead of a black guy because you think he will praise you is another great example.

I personally have a huge crush on Dirk Nowitzki. He is German and he is married to a black model/ actress.

http://www.sportsgrid.com/nba/dirk-nowitzki-wedding-photos/#0

I am mixed with black, white, and indian and I have a huge crush on a German man who just so happened to have long hair. I have always been attracted to guys of diffent races. I think this is because I am curious about how they treat their lady. This can be the reason why others are interested in other races, because they are tired of the guys of their same race. Ever heard of the “typical light skin”? What does that mean? Well many black chicks don’t want a “typical light skin” because they don’t feel like they must to offer. But when you have rich white girls who don’t need much but an image, it explains why our society is the way it is.

Do you agreee with these statements? Why are these interracial relationship looked down upon? How will these interracial relationship change the future?

(A)sexuality

Asexual is the lack of sexual attraction to anyone, or low or absent interest in sexual activity. The documentary (A)sexuality gives many examples of why, how, and when people consider themselves asexual. I found it really confusing to follow all the different stories. All the people who were interviewed told how they are perceived through the world and the many stereotypes they get categorized in.

Many said they have no sexual desires for either sex. One guy said he likes the sadism and machoism (S&M) part of BDSM, but doesn’t like the actual act of intercourse. This is similar to 50 Shades of Grey. Grey used BDSM and he had plenty of sex but he never really had any sexual attraction to someone until he met Ana. Would he be considered an asexual who was cured by “love”? In the film, the researched said that many were born this way. They knew from birth about these unknown sexual attractions that didn’t seem normal. But in the interviews, some asexual people said that they made the decision to be asexual after a bad relationship. It’s confusing to me because I feel like asexuality is a mindset. When you don’t desire something and don’t long for something, it doesn’t make you a different. It is considered someone’s personal preference. These people aren’t considered gay or lesbian, they just don’t desire sex. LGBTQI community doesn’t support asexual because they don’t feel as though asexual people will help their community grow or mean anything to them. Normally that is not natural because it’s natural to want sex, even just to reproduce.

1% of the US Population is asexual. Not many people have heard of the word asexual and many won’t understand what it is. Asexuality can be very contradicting. Being asexual isn’t very natural. An older woman was telling her story of when she decided to become asexual. She said that she has had plenty of sex, a lot in fact, and but she still doesn’t have desire to have intercourse. Once she stopped having sex, she said she didn’t wish to have intercourse anymore. She didn’t miss the physical touching. This is ironic because in the film, the researched explained how most, almost all, asexual people are inexperienced with sex. They lack desire for sex because they never had it or their first experience wasn’t what they expected.

Asexuality is a choice. I feel that those who categorize themselves as asexual just want to be different. It doesn’t make you much of a different human being because you don’t long for sexual attractions. The reasons I believe people decide to be asexual is because they are running from love, had a horrid experience their first time, or they just don’t desire sharing their body. I have a bad relationship and I become asexual for a week. So, once I’m not mad at the world again, then I become un-asexual?

Asexuality is thought of as a disability says Thomas J. Gershick in his “The Body, Disability, and Sexuality” article. It is explained to be a mental sexual disability. It’s not that “they” can’t do it but rather have a mindset to not want to do it. Asexuality is being described as a mindset, therefore, making it a mental problem. It also explains that asexual people is “one who needs others to care for them.” I strongly agree with asexual being firmly a mindset. Being asexual isn’t normal but what it normal? Who is normal? What perfect person can we use as an example to define what it means to have normal sexual desires?

Here is the link to a YouTube video of a little boy name Joe who decided to never fall in love.

 

 

In this video, Joe decides to not fall in love. He has no sexual desires for anyone and doesn’t expect to. He had decided since 2^nd grade to never fall in love with anyone. Joe is 14 years old in the video. His mindset is to not fall in love with anyone and with this mindset, he focuses on not having sexual desires for anyone. In the video it shows him being very happy with his decision and his life. “I don’t love my parents. They are nice people.” When he said this, I immediately thought back to the article when it said “asexuals are one who needs others to care for them.” The video shows Joe’s interactions with his family and I feel that there is a disconnection between him and his parents. His mom said that she tells him that she loves him but does she show him that she loves him? I saw no interaction between his father and his father was never interviewed. Joe did say that his only instance of falling in love and maybe having sex would be in another world. A world where he and his partner can fight monsters.

Do you think Joe has a mental disorder? Would you consider him asexual? If he had more love from his parents and interactions from his father, do you think he would have this mindset?

What’s sex have to do with … Ed Sheeran?

Rape Culture is a phrase used to represent the normalization of rape. It categorizes people who don’t take responsibility for sexual assault but rather accepts it. There are many factors that help contribute to rape culture and one include prostitution. Sexual labor is a norm for people of the rape culture. Most people who participate in prostitution are/were forced into it. Human trafficking is an example.

In the interview with Elizabeth Bernstein on “The political economy of sexual labor,” she gives her point of view on prostitution. She thinks that practices of sexual commerce ought to be situated squarely within contemporary economic and cultural currents, rather than regarded as exceptions to be judged apart (319). She wants people to see past the social and moral parts of prostitution but focus on the economic and intimacy views.

Here is a link to the Ed Sheeran “The A Team” music video.

 

 

In Ed Sheeran’s music video called “The A Team”, he tells the story of a girl who was born into prostitution. She has a home but doesn’t have a job, so the rent doesn’t get paid. She lives out on the street selling magazines and newspapers. At night, she puts on her fancy clothes and becomes a sex worker. In the lyrics, “Struggling to pay rent. Long nights, strange men”, it means that due to her addiction to drugs, she can’t keep a job to pay for the rent. She spends long nights with men she doesn’t know, as a part of her sexual labor.

In the morning, she wakes up with a bittersweet expression on her face. The viewers think she is upset for her having to hand her body over, but also satisfied to have money for rent. The lyrics state “Slowly sinking, wasting. Crumbling like pastries,” meaning that her life is crashing down on her. Everything that she once dreamed about is no longer possible, and she is starting to see that life isn’t important anymore. At the end of the music video, it shows her using the money from her sexual labor to buy drugs. In her room, she takes the drugs and kills herself.

When you see the story of this prostitute, how does your view of prostitution change? Or does it? People have reasons for their actions and it isn’t our job to judge them. Although I feel like these situations can be avoided, we don’t know her childhood. Should prostitution be legal? The fact that it made her kill herself mean anything?

i Am unbeatable

Donna Ferrato is a photographer who is well known for her determination to end domestic violence. Her photographs have been published in The New York Times Magazine, Life, Time, USA Today and many other magazines and articles. She tells stories through pictures focused on women who get out of abusive relationships and free of their abuser. She takes photographs that express abusive violence from all perspectives: the victim, the abuser, the audience.

On September 12^th, she displayed her first exhibition of her series, “I Am Un-Beatable”, in Vanderbilt University Fine Arts Gallery in Cohen Memorial Hall. “I Am Un-beatable” is a documented photo collection about a girl name Sarah who made it out of an abusive relationship. She met her boyfriend at a very young age. He was 18 and she was 13 when they started dating. He saw how vulnerable she was and used many tactics to make her think he was the one for her. He got her pregnant and made her move in with him and his family. Leaving behind her life, he persuaded her into thinking they will be a happy family. Her fairytale story didn’t turn out to be much of a fairytale. He started mentally, physically, and emotionally abusing her. This isn’t the life she had expected. The moment he broke her jaw was the moment she feared staying with him more than leaving him. She eventually broke free him and moved out on her own with her two kids.

The argument of “I Am Un-Beatable” is that the US needs to stop making domestic violence part of culture. About 25% of women in the US are in an abusive relationships. If kids are involved, 75% of the boys will begin to participate in domestic violence at age 12. These statistics from the exhibition help to show why domestic violence is such a big issue in the US. Females are the easiest target in our society, especially when it comes to sex and getting raped. Donna is trying to empower women to take back their power and stop allowing men get away with hitting them. Male dominance is shown through most her pictures and the males seem to always break all their limits. Males use different tactics into making the female think he loves her. After he has her fooled, it when he changes. The males are violent towards their girlfriends or wives because they feel the need to be a man. The definition of being a man is being in control of what he needs or wants. In most cases, he wants to make sure he has access to sex whenever he wants. Our culture seems to value the male orgasm.

I connected Donna’s photo documentary exhibition to Kristen Barber “Sex and Power” article on heterosexuality and power. Males use sex as a way of having power over many females. Majority of domestic violence is sexually related. The expression of masculine traits such as aggression, power, and violence during sex shapes the meaning of sexuality both for men and women. (45) The female role in sex is to be the submissive and say “yes” to sex. It is all based off what the men desires. When the male doesn’t get what he want, he gets aggressive and very demanding. Sex is viewed as a social power. The male and female get so used to the social constructs society has formed that it becomes part of culture. Females are used to being powerless and males are used to being the aggressor. As a result, many domestic violent situations aren’t reported until it is death threatening because both genders are used to being in these type situation. Females don’t leave their abuser either due to fear, family history or dependency. Women may have less freedom to explore, discover, and play with their own desires and pleasures, but they are not completely powerless. (45) Females need to get back their dignity and demand more control or power.

The Ray Rice situation is a great example of a heterosexual abusive relationship.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VbwTMJroTbI

As you can see in the video, a heated argument escalated, caused Ray Rice to hit his fiancé. A male hitting a woman is looked down upon in our society. He was knocked his wife unconscious in an elevator as if that is normal. He didn’t call for help or try to see if she was okay. The most ironic part about this situations is that his wife didn’t leave him after being beaten. She asked the public to stop being cruel toward Ray Rice. She isn’t thinking about how embarrassing the video looked, but rather the NFL not cut Ray Rice’s income.

Domestic violence is so common in the US. Sex, power, and relationships may or may not have some correlation between each other. Which sex should control the relationship? Does it matter which sex control the relationship? If the person who is has more control over sex have more power in the relationship? When involved in an abusive relationship, is sex a reason the victim (female) stays in the relationship? After answering these questions, if a male was being sexually abused by a female, would he be considered less of a man, or a “punk”?

How do you become a man?

Is getting money and girls the only things that is on a boy’s mind? At what time do guys think about other guys? Is homophobia seen through society or the rap culture more?

The article by C. J. Pascoe “Adolescent homophobia and heterosexuality,” it talks about what it means to be masculine and how fag discourse is created through social binaries. The article explains that part of being a male teenager is being able to joke freely about gay people. The word faggot can be used in many different way. Can be used in a way of calling someone a punk. Meaning that part of being masculine is not being fearful and if a guy is afraid to fight someone, then he may be called a faggot. People use faggot to talk about gay people. Men or boys who do not conform to normative understandings of masculinity and sexuality should be mocked, humiliated and possibly feared (176). Have you ever heard someone say “that’s gay”? Although they are not saying faggot, it has the same meaning but may be directed to an action or an object instead of the person. The “locker room” talk is where society makes the norms for what it means to be a man. Which is to have sex with plenty of girls and get money. If a guy isn’t being “normal”, then he is considered gay or feminine. This results in fag discourse. A fag is the worst thing a guy can be (177). Part of being a guy is to have homophobia. Homophobia is a person’s strong dislike towards those who identify as homosexual. Heterosexuality is considered normal in our society. Males having sex with many girls and getting money are social constructions that define what it means to be a man. The rap culture struggles with homophobia due to the simple fact of trying to please society and reframing from being called a faggot. A male rapper talking about his masculinity is what makes him sell hits and this usual means talking about one night stands with many girls and having money to flash in people’s faces.

I connected this to James J. Dean’s “Straight Men” article that talks about gender, homophobia, and heterosexual identity. The article states that sexist and homophobia practices are two of the central ways that the men project a heterosexual masculinity (246). For a man to secure his identify, he needs to have a homophobic behavior. This means his use of the words “fag.”

Here is an article explaining J.Cole’s use of the word faggot.

http://colorlines.com/archives/2013/06/did_j_cole_do_more_harm_than_good_with_his_deliberately_homophobic_lyrics.html

Homophobia and the fag discourse is shown in society every day and it is something we have to deal with growing up. My favorite rapper is J. Cole and he presents many examples through his lyrics. “But the truth is, we all the same, but on different teams, but it’s all a game. The objective, tryna score. Hey, you wanna be a man? Yeah I wanna be a man. A man don’t run tellin’ mama everything he see. I ain’t gonna tell. Alright then man. You’re a man now. Okay,” are the lyrics to “Never Told” by J. Cole. Here, you can see how the social norms of society affect men. Here, he is telling what it means to be a man. He is setting the norms. Becoming a man means to play the game (get girls). To his friends, he is showing how much of a man he is, but to the girl being played, she is left heartbroken and her friends will hate him for his actions.

Another example of male homophobia and use of fag discourse would include: “I don’t mean no disrespect whenever I say faggot, okay faggot. Don’t be so sensitive.” His use of very strong language towards homophobia in his song “Villuminati” made many people mad, upset, and uncomfortable. The hip hop culture has trouble dealing with homophobia. Rappers are to focus of what it means to be a man, which is getting money and girls. The use of the word faggot is connected to the word nigger, meaning that they both are harmful but without them, males are perceived as being less masculine.

Even as a female, those type comments make me uncomfortable. I stopped listening to “villuminati” because of the fag verse. It seems really inappropriate. Although I deal with homophobia at times, I don’t believe in harassment or making others feel bad about their sexual identity. Will J. Cole and the rap culture ever overcome homophobia and stop making it a pressing issue? Or is homophobia what makes the rap culture? Can you name one male gay rapper? What does this mean to the future of rap culture?